Symbiosis

DAY 178681

Some old earth poet said, "God gave us the stars to teach us loneliness." I went to the stars to find it. I wanted it. And now, I know loneliness; loneliness is my wife, my soul. There was a woman I knew once. Her name was Rachael. She's been dead now nearly five hundred years.

We quarreled. She needed time, she said. There was another man. I couldn't believe it. "Aren't you my own?" I asked her. "Aren't you a very part of me? We share the same thoughts, we feel together. And now, you need time?”

"Marry me now," I said. "You will marry me now," I said firmly, believing in my love.

Her other lover was more temperate. "I love you," he told her. "I can't decide for you. Love must be given, never taken. If I take your love, it is not your love. If I take your love I cannot give you love. Give what you can, to whom you can. It is you individual will. I shall love you whatever you decide."

He was a devil. The Accuser! He implied I didn't love her as he did because I forced my love. Trickster!

Oh God! Love as I loved and you would know that love has a logic all its own. Love is a question whose only answer is yes. If answered no, then love must turn to hate.

"I need time," she said.

There was no one on earth I cared for. I saw no good in any man. All those who feigned goodness, did so for their own gain. I became a cynic overnight. The light came on, and I saw.

I gave her time. I gave everyone time. I stole a ship and set out for a distant planet, any planet so long as it was uninhabited by human beings and I could be alone.

And that is ALL I have to say today!

Oh yes, my name is—Raoul, Raoul Radison.

DAY 178682

When I began my trip, I destroyed every vestige of humanity I could. No pictures, no voices, no mementos, nothing that looked or sounded human did I let survive. I wanted to withdraw. I came for that purpose. But loneliness, like the cold, began to creep into my bones. Even in sleep you feel the isolation. I have slept now for four hundred and eighty-nine years. And I feel all those years.

They are all dead now, all those I left behind. Rachael is dead now, too, and all her love with her. All the emotions, anger, love, hate, jealousy -- of all the people I knew then has been gone for years. Only my emotion, caught in a past long ago forgotten still stirs the heat and heart of yesterday. Uselessly. God, I am alone! How I am alone! No one knows me. And I know no one living today.

I wanted away, and yes, I am away, far away, farther than distance could separate me, for the distance between our hearts is not only of space, but time. Some writer said that, I think. I stole it. But he is dead, and I am alive. I am desperately lonely, though, so I've started this journal. I need to communicate, if only with myself. I will write this and read it someday later when I've become some other creature, some new man, and it will be like talking or at least like listening to someone else, someone much more naive than myself whom I can laugh at and enjoy the company of. We only really enjoy the company of those stupider than ourselves anyway.

DAY 178683

So, why am I awake after all these years? Because I'm approaching a habitable planet, and I shall soon begin my life outside this ship. Ah! To breathe real world air again, and blink in bright sunshine. Though sometimes I want to just sleep my life away. Go to sleep, turn off the animator, and let myself sleep till I grow old and am about to die. Then let the computer wake me and spend my last few moments in regret and die. How ironic that would be!

But well, I do enjoy life. Two days and I shall step foot on a planet never before seen by human eyes.

DAY 178684

This is my last full day aboard the ship. Of course, I'll still use this as my sleeping quarters. I don't know what dangerous life forms might be out there. Yes! There's life on this planet. It's teeming!

I'm scared to death. I just sit, my heart racing, staring out into black space and wondering what the devil I'm going to see. I'm sure other exploring parties have found life elsewhere by now, but I don't know. I may be the first! They may have blown themselves apart. I may be the only human being alive. That thought scared me today. But somehow it made me more calm too. If I am, then I am humanity, and humanity is an explorer.

DAY 178686

It's beautiful! Every inch beautiful! So much more beautiful than earth. I've seen places on earth where I thought I would die just looking at them. Here, I feel I have died and gone to heaven.

The harmony here, and the innocence! How easily this place takes me. The creatures (I've seen twenty or thirty species so far, not including bugs) notice me, but do not run. They do not examine me either. They simply let me be. Every creature is itself and harms no other. In fact, I think they have developed some interesting symbiotic relationships. It's like one big family which lives because each member is alive, that delights in the life of the others. I feel that, if one species on this planet died off, the whole planet would die. They're that tied together.

But I'm drawing too many conclusions on much too little data.

But the peace, the peace I feel here is so deep, so like love. Help me, I think I'm enjoying myself.

DAY 178687

Some specifics. I discovered a peculiar plant, actually several. There is an arid piece of land, no water on the surface anyway. But this plant's roots apparently go far down. Its luxuriant foliage spreads as wide as it is high, and it is as tall as a small tree. All around the plant, underneath the perimeter of its branches, a host of shallow rooted, tender plants grow. I thought at first that their roots attached themselves to the larger plant and sucked the water it pulled up. But this isn't what happens. I pulled one little plant up. It was barely attached to the ground.

The area underneath the large plant was moist. I puzzled over this for a while. The sun was getting hot and I sat underneath the shade of the tree plant. Suddenly, it started raining, a fine mist. I looked out from underneath the plant. No, there was not a cloud in the sky. It was the plant. The large tree plant was watering the others. I haven't been able to discover any reason it should do this. Its sole purpose seems to be for the benefit of the other plants. Also, the mechanism of this "rain" eluded me, but the mist comes for the leaves somehow.

There are several animals about the size of squirrels. I've seen at least three separate species -- three which obviously are not related -- one of them even seems to be reptilian -- but not really. But the strange this is -- the mothers all bring their young to this circle in the woods and all of the young -- from every species -- play together. They're not competing for food, they're not killing each other -- just having a good time. While this is happening, some of the mothers stand guard (though since they don't seem to have any enemies I suppose they're just seeing that they don't hurt themselves) and the other mothers go forage.

I wondered if they took turns or what. Well, it turns out (so I think) that the mothers that are pregnant or nursing watch the young while the others, with older young, forage.

By the way, I can go up to any of them, touch them, stroke them, pick them up. They seem to regard me as only another friendly creature! Are there no carnivores here? No predators? I thought perhaps the mothers might go wild if I touched their children. I was a little afraid to, since I didn't know how ferocious they might be if provoked and therefore what danger I might be putting myself in, but finally I ventured it. They remained calm. Apparently, they aren't even afraid I might harm them. Incredible!

DAY 178688

I discovered some "grass" -- maybe it's more like moss -- really it's like a great big mattress. In fact, that's what it's used for. A herd of sheep creatures came and ate off the tops of this finely knit stuff, then lay on it. It is softer than soft. Makes me think of women. After they moved on, a herd of animals about the size of small dogs came bounding, jumping, running and scampering. When they got to the newly mown "mattress," they lay down and took a nap. When they awoke, I tried to follow them to find out what they ate. They were too fast and tireless for me, however, and lost me in a "woody" area. I have examined them while they were asleep, though, and their teeth seemed flat, so I assume they are vegetarians. Oh yes, and the squirrel creatures -- I examined them too. They were definitely all female -- I wonder where the males are.

DAY 178690

The sheep creatures I've decided to call Lambs. The dog creatures, Lickers. And I met another creature yesterday, which I call the Lions. Yes, I met a carnivore.

The Lambs were peacefully grazing on the mattress grass. I lay down in their way to see what their response would be. In the distance, I heard something that can vaguely be described as a roar. I jumped up scared out of my wits. But then I laughed. The roar had a strange gurgling burp at the end which was irresistibly funny. I didn't know what to do, to run or to wait. The Lambs, in one accord, lay stomach up upon the grass. This scared me. I ran. I watched from a distance. The Lion creatures came up. There was no question: these guys had teeth for eating meat, I could see them from my distance, and they had claws to match. They came up to the Lambs, and began eating them. The Lambs made no resistance. I was horrified. This is what it was, I thought. They simply have no fear. It wasn't that they didn't get attacked. It was that they didn't care.

I convulsed. Afraid that one of the Lions would see me, I tried to stay as immobile as possible. It was hardly possible. Fear, I thought, fear. That thing which haunts us, how great a thing it is. What a protector. And now, here I, afraid, could do nothing but wait.

It was only after a great while that I realized that the Lions were not eating them whole. They were eating only a portion of them from their underside. Then, they moved on, silent and full.

That is when the dogs, the Lickers, appeared. They came up and began licking where the Lions had eaten. I thought at first how heartless it all was. That these Lambs which had made such a soft mattress for these dogs should be later eaten by them.

I was wrong. After waiting unbearable moments while these Lickers licked away, the Lambs, which I had thought killed, began to stand. I was utterly amazed. What kind of world was this in which the predator didn't kill its victim, in which the victim willingly lets herself be eaten? I can scarcely understand.

DAY 178691

I have calmed down a bit, and searched out the matter a little more. The Lambs, for what reason I cannot guess except for the obvious but incredible reason, grow lumps of meat on their underside. And the only reason, this most bizarre of all reasons, that I can see that they have it is so that the Lion may eat it! The call of the Lion signals them to lie down and be feasted upon. After they leave, the Lickers, apparently always following the Lambs, come and began licking where the Lions have eaten away. Their saliva stops the bleeding and speeds the healing process (I'm guessing). This is surely the most bizarre and unbelievable symbiotic relationship I have ever seen!

DAY 178693

Tried to examine the Lions. After observing one of their feasts I followed them. We went farther than I wanted to go into the "forest." Never having seen them interact with any creature other than the Lambs I was a bit apprehensive at approaching them. I crouched hidden by some leafy foliage watching what they would do. I am very anxious to discover just what the animals do since they don't spend their time doing what earth animals do -- searching and fighting for food. Do they all just play like the Lickers and the Squirllies (I'll have to think of a better name)?

It began growing dark. I hadn't realized it had been so late. I had never been out at night before. I was afraid to move since they might notice me, and afraid to stay, being so far from the safety of my ship.

They walked around doing nothing so far as I could tell. Then, as the sun sank into the "trees," they began forming a circle. There were, I'd say, thirty to forty of them. When they were in the circle, they began, well, to . . . sing. Or hum at least. I suppose this is not so odd. Birds on our planet "sing." I was just unprepared for it coming from these Lions.

Several smaller creatures came out of the forest to hear them. Their singing was hypnotic. I found myself growing sleepy. The other creatures closed their eyes. It was like a signal to sleep. I could hardly keep my eyes open. I stirred fighting off sleep. I pinched myself and slapped my face. I tried to stand and find my way back to the ship. A nose nudged me back down. It was a Lion. I wanted to be terrified. Suppose it mistook me for a sheep? (I have added a few pounds.) I didn't think there were any vital organs I could spare. I wanted to be terrified, but I could not -- I must sleep. But it nudged me again. I stood. It nudged me. I stumbled toward the circle of Lions, the Lion behind me nudging me if I strayed.

I stood in the middle of the circle of Lions and they sang to me. I fell down and fell nearly asleep. Half-conscious, or dreaming, I felt them nudging at me. It seemed as if I were growing cold, colder, colder. Then it seemed as though soft warmth -- something soft and warm -- and heavy -- covered me.

I awoke the next morning alone. None of my parts were missing. I decided to head back to my ship. On the way back, I saw the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. It was a small flying creature. It rose out of the flower of one of the plants and floated upward. It had wings, so fragile they were translucent. The sun caught its wings and was scattered into countless brilliant, dazzling, blinding rainbows.

I came home and spent the day brooding. Rachael.

Day 178694

I've examined the Lions. Went back to the spot where I had spent the night. I was surprised to see several of them still there. I had gone early -- just as soon as there was any light, just on the chance that I might find them.

Having survived a night with them, I felt such courage as I never knew in myself before. I approached them directly. They didn't run, and they didn't attack. I came up to them and touched them. They were soft and furry. I examined their mouths. They had sharp, meat-tearing teeth in front and chewing teeth in the back (just like mine). Their eyes are kind and yet seem so certain. I wondered if they were humoring me. After all, I have no legitimate reason for believing them any less intelligent than myself. Perhaps they had already examined me after I had fallen asleep. And their vocal apparatus seems incredibly flexible -- roars, hums, burps, and snorts. (One snorted when I touched its under chin.)

And, at last, I've seen males. I was beginning to wonder -- maybe they were all one sex (the young Squirllies I examined seemed to have no sex at all). But the Lions, at least, have two sexes.

I wonder if I could make these my pets? Are they teachable? Perhaps we could train each other.

Something disturbed me on the way back. I met a host of animals running across my path, apparently fleeing. There were many, many more species than what I've seen before. I'll have to go back there and look at them. Wow -- I just realized: I might never know them all!

A fire?

DAY 178695

Went back early again. Saw the small flying creatures, again rising from out of a flower blossom. These are large flowers. I've never seen anything to compare to them. Beautiful -- and the scent of Eden.

The rainbows dazzled me. I decided to examine one of these flyers if I could. I reached to touch it.

It shattered. I wanted to weep. This was the first death I have seen here -- and I am the cause. They are so beautiful, but very, very fragile.

As I stooped over its pieces, another shower of rainbows bloomed across the forest -- I looked up. Another creature came out of a blossom. As I watched it, I saw another blossom open and another creature flew from it.

Perhaps they sleep in the flowers?

DAY 178696

Something I forgot to mention several days ago. Just a note: it gets really cold at night. Perhaps the Lions kept me warm.

Today I got up while it was still mostly dark. I walked into the forest to find the flyers. After I had gone so far, I was expecting it to get light, but it didn't. I finally reached the flower blossoms. They were closed. One slowly began to open. A Flyer rose out of it. In the semi-darkness, with no sunlight, I was expecting no rainbow. I was shocked, however, to discover that it glowed, flared, burned -- illumined the whole area with such marvelous colors -- not a rainbow at once, but first one color and then another, cycling through the most beautiful hues.

The other blossoms began opening and other Flyers came out -- I was bewildered with the beauty of it.

That's when it happened. I felt something on my face. A drop of water. It was beginning to rain. This was the first rain I've seen here. And the clouds, apparently, are what made it so dark.

Then, the ground beneath me began to rumble. It began to rain a little harder. A Flyer shattered. It had been hit by a water droplet. The ground was shaking, and I fell over. From beneath where I had been standing, a large, furry creature appeared, poking its huge head through the dirt. Like a mole, it had no eyes. I supposed eyes would be getting filled with dirt and hardly useful to a digging creature. It opened its mouth.

I jumped up and back. Its mouth opened and opened and kept opening. It could easily have held my body if I were curled in a ball. It did not advance toward me, but seemed to be waiting. A Flyer floated over to it and flitted inside its mouth. The mouth closed. Rumbling all around me and underneath me. I could scarcely move one way than another Mole Mammoth burst up from beneath me. They opened their mouths and the Flyers flew in. There seemed to be more Mole Mammoths than Flyers, and they stayed, their mouths open. Being so much more bold now, I approached them directly. I looked into their mouths. I jumped back, for there, back in what I thought was their throat, a single, large eye stared back at me.

The rain came harder. I looked for shelter. I found a plant with large leaves and huddled beneath it, watching. The Mole Mammoths (MMs) that had no Flyer went over to another MM that had one and put his "mouth" over the "mouth" of the other. The other MM opened its "mouth" so that it seemed they were locked in a kiss.

For several hours as it rained I watched this, fascinated. The rain finally stopped. The MMs unlocked their kisses and opened their "mouths." Out came the Flyers, unharmed. The MMs dug back into the ground. The Flyers, it seemed to me more beautiful than before somehow, floated up into the sky, rising straight up until eventually I lost sight of them.

I returned, overwhelmed with the strangeness of this new world. Could it be possible that these MMs shelter the Flyers so that they might simply be allowed to look at their beauty?

I regret that I studied neither science nor poetry that I might now be able to describe these wonders either accurately or so that others could feel as I feel about them. But I guess there are no others. Perhaps it is best not to think of the mistakes of my past.

Oh, yes. Again on the way back some disturbance caused what seemed to be a panic among the creatures.

Probably some other wondrous thing they do that I fail to understand.

DAY 178698

I found a dead Lamb today, half decayed.

DAY 178699

Horror of horrors. I am afraid once more. I have seen the Beast. Ugly, distorted, and gross -- I do not know how to describe it. I saw it only in a glimpse before I fled. The creatures were all running. So brave as I had grown, I decided to see what they were running from. I had not gone too far back when I came upon it -- with several heads and various limbs and claws it clutched its prey and munched simultaneously upon a Lamb and a Lion, and several other creatures I have not yet given names.

I turned and ran.

I reached my ship and have shut myself in.

I have not yet eaten anything from this planet, having a food supply which should last me many years. Still it was my plan to try things if I could determine they wouldn't harm me. Now, I must consider my future: food, weapons, shelter. I have never used a light gun before. Now, I must practice.

DAY 178701

I've ventured out again. No sign of the Beast. I've discovered what cannot be possible. The Lion is the father to several creatures. I discovered a Lion and a Lamb mating. But surely they can't be the sire of all the creatures. Well obviously. Perhaps the Lamb is only the female of the Lion creature. That would be incredible too. But then, I saw female Lions! How different they are!

Very tired. Haven't slept well lately.

DAY 178702

Discovered some more about the Beast. Don't feel like writing today.

DAY 178707

After a particularly brutal attack upon a flock of the Lambs, I tracked the Beast. I determined to kill it. I've forgotten what I've written about it. Seems like years. Has symbiosis gone wild? Heads and legs and grotesque appendages spurting out here and there -- feathers, fur, skin, scales -- a mass of writhing, thrashing, squirming, tormented bodies. I don't understand it. Large mouths tearing and necks straining. How it walks -- I can't tell -- a million contorted, variegated legs plunging up and down at random. The whole thing moves so chaotically and spasmodically, so grotesquely, that it's impossible to concentrate on it. I'm almost hypnotized.

I'll finish this tomorrow.

DAY 178708

I shot the Beast with my light gun yesterday. I had followed its trail and came upon it munching on various creatures and vegetation. I shot and cut several of its large heads off, but this appeared not to affect it. It advanced upon me, but as it approached, various other heads stooped down and ate at the heads which I had shot off. I ran and shot at the same time. I hoped to reach into the center of the Beast and cut it in half, but it gained on me too quickly. I had thought that I could outrun it. I guess I did, but one of its Lamb mouths reached out and bit a hunk out of my arm. (Yes, one of it's heads looks like a Lamb. Another symbiotic relationship? Or perhaps a way to lure them, like a hunter’s decoy?)

DAY 178709

Feeling much better today. Going out for a walk.

DAY 178710

I think maybe the Beast has moved on. Is it the only one? Tried to approach a group of Lions. They're afraid now. Not all of them; some let me touch them. It's comforting to be close to something after dealing with that thing. Do they know that what I'm doing is for their good, that I am trying to help? Is the Beast something new? Where did it come from? I have lots of questions. No answers.

Watched the Flyers come out of their blossoms. Wow. Just as beautiful as ever.

NO OTHER ENTRIES APPEAR IN THE JOURNAL

The man left the ship and, furtively glancing into the woods, walked toward the path which he had worn. He appeared disheveled and his clothing unkempt. He was slightly overweight, and without muscle tone. Profuse sweat poured off his face. In one hand he held a weapon which he waved spasmodically before him. The other arm, bandaged, he held tightly behind.

A group of Lions up ahead, sensing his approach, disbanded and slunk into the woods. Passing by where they had just been, he continued on, cutting a new path in front of him with his light gun. The growth was thicker here. The plants fell left and right with loud smacking sounds as they hit the ground . He stopped his firing and paused, standing still. He listened. Hearing nothing, he continued on, this time pushing his way through the thick wall of plants. He worked his way through the growth for an hour or so before resting.

Sitting on a rock, he looked back at the way he had come. He looked, for an instant, suddenly very weary, then immediately stood, and shoved through again. He had only gone twenty feet or so when the dense growth opened into a plateau of lush grass.

Looking out over the area, his face took on a sense of wonder. On the field, a herd of Lambs grazed. Overhead, a dense flock of birds made shadows over them, cooling them. A score of other animals passed in groups before his eyes. He laid his weapon down. He stretched his arms toward the sky and shouted. He ran as if to give them a glad embrace.

A noise sounded behind him. He didn't hear it above his own shouts. The noise continued. He stopped his shouting and paused. He looked back. A heavy thudding came from the woods, and a pandemonium of crashings, calls, and shrieks.

He ran back to the edge of the woods to regain his weapon. The Beast came out of the woods. He was not yet to his gun. He continued running, straight toward the Beast, staring at it intently, searching for weakness, measuring the distance between himself, the weapon, and the monster. Sometimes it lunged forward, then it halted. He ran in a stoop, ready to scoop up his gun. The Beast lurched. He snatched the weapon. The Beast seemed to struggle against itself, dragging some of its countless diverse legs, and propelling itself forward with others.

He ran backwards. He stumbled. The Beast was upon him. He regained his footing and madly dashed away, without turning back, a look of utter terror upon his face. At first he outran the creature, but as it became accustomed to the open terrain, its leg coordination improved. It steadily advanced upon him.

Finally daring to look behind him, he saw in an instant what was happening and began shooting over his shoulder in a wild effort to stop it. Several limbs were shorn in half by the beam, but the creature seemed indifferent. It gained. The man's face was red and his breathing was loud and vocal. He gasped and spit out saliva. His eyes were swimming in his sweat so that he could not see. He tripped himself and fell hard upon the ground. His gun flew away.

How soft the grass is, he mused. He had knocked his breath out. He had almost knocked himself unconscious. His head swam. He looked back at the Beast. His head cleared for an instant. From his vantage point below, he saw the Beast's legs hurtling toward him. He reached for his gun, grasped, missed, then reached again. He clutched it. He felt its warm smooth metal. It gave out a pungent electric odor that mixed with the grass and herbs of the field.

He squeezed the trigger and swept the beam across beneath the Beast, severing many of its legs. The Beast fell forward almost atop him. It uttered a thousand screeching cries. Mouth upon mouth snatched up the legs and began gnawing on them, or gulping them whole.

The man stood, hesitating for an instant what to shoot next. A long neck stretched out, a mouth opened, and bit off his hand, swallowing both it and the gun whole.

The man screamed. He held his nub with the other hand and began once more to run. For several yards he seemed fine, then, in another scream of anguish, he fell again. His leg bone, which he had cracked in his first fall, broke in two and thrust through his thigh muscle. He tried desperately to crawl away.

The Beast, also wounded, pushed itself forward with its hind legs. The foremost part of its body dug into the ground. It struggled, plowing up the grass as it plunged forward. The man, bleeding, crawled on one knee and his elbows. The Beast, pushing upwards with its rear legs rolled up on its side. It was wide, and as it rolled, its shadow passed over the man. It rolled onto its back. The man avoided being crushed by only a yard or so. He struggled on. For several seconds, the Beast kicked its legs in the air like an overturned roach, but managed to nearly stand again, then stand. It stood over the man, watching his desperate crawl, all of its heads turned toward him.

The man, sensing the Beast's shadow, stopped, looked up and saw that the Beast was upon him. He fell on his face. He rolled over on his back. He saw the Beast above him looking down.

He felt such great remorse that he must die alone. Where were all the creatures? All those he had so dearly, dearly loved. How he loved them! But they had left him for the Beast. He was alone, by himself. He was so alone, so very, very alone. Oh, he would have loved it to be loved! And only now, knowing he was alone, did he feel he could truly love, and how he truly, truly wanted to love!

The Beast leaned forward, and with its largest mouth plucked him up and leaning back its neck, let him slide whole down into its throat and swallowed.

The Beast, after it had eaten the man, grew still and lay upon the field, contented. It seemed oblivious to the pain of its missing limbs. Carelessly, it began to bend its heads and chew contemplatively on its scattered parts, occasionally stretching forth a neck to reach one somewhat distant. Night came, and the creature slept serenely, most of its heads asleep, but several still awake -- the heads of nocturnal creatures.

The next morning, the Beast arose, completely healed of its wounds. This was the first time it had been to the expansive, open plain, and the other creatures here were numerous. It chased them, growing faster as it ran until it was the fastest creature on the plateau. It chased them, snatched them, ate them. In the evening, it found water, drank and rested upon the grass. In the morning, it lay sleepily and lazily, munching on sweet herbs. It stretched itself. It fed in the afternoon and rested securely at night.

After six days another head began to grow out of the Beast, the head of the man. His arms and trunk soon followed, and became functional. Its thought processes increased. Wow, thought the Beast, I am here. Right here, right now. Look at me. Look at them. With gentle paws and limbs the Beast stroked its new head.

Its new intelligence studied the creatures. Symbiosis! Ha! What primitive symbiosis they have! I am truly symbiotic. I am a self-contained symbiotic relationship all by myself! It laughed at its own paradox. Whatever I eat becomes a part of me. Whatever I am helps every part of me. Whatever I become makes me greater. The whole is greater than the sum of my parts.

The Beast spotted a herd of Lambs that were being eaten by some Lions. The Lickers were in the distance. It ran after them, laughing, grabbing them and gnawing them. How frightened they are! How silly! So separate from each other, unable to share the thoughts and memories of each individual. They run. They do not know what to think of me, but I know every thought of theirs. What silly meekness those Lambs do feel toward the Lions! What silly subjection! I will free them! The Beast yelled after them, "Don't run, you sillies! Come and join me!" They run away. They don't understand even as simple a thing as speech. How smart I've grown. You know, if I wanted, at my will, I could call out with my Lion voices and put you all to sleep. But the chase is so much fun! To see their fright -- oh what hilarity. All because each of them knows that it is one, that it is alone in the universe.

Nine months later, the Beast was surprised to see another ship arrive. Now what was this? Had they chased him to arrest him after all this time? That was too funny! It hid itself. It waited.

The ship carried a solitary passenger, a female. For several days after Raoul had left her, Rachael could hardly bear her life. Had she made a mistake? Concluding at last that it was Raoul she loved, she planned carefully. Finally, she too stole a ship and followed him. When she awakened, she was shocked to discover that it was almost five hundred years later. There was no turning back, for sure.

She discovered Raoul's ship, abandoned. She read his journal. She wept when he wrote of her. He loved me, she thought. I hope he still loves me. She read on, looking for her name. Feeling suddenly guilty she stopped reading. She was prying, reading what was not meant for her. Reading private thoughts. She would find Raoul and he would share them with her openly.

She began her own exploration. How beautiful it was. A perfect place to live for the rest of their lives. Eden. She could see why Raoul had moved out of his ship. She had to find him.

The Beast had waited. It watched. It saw the woman appear. It waited, thought, and planned.

One day the woman neared a thick part of the woods, the Beast's hiding place. The Beast called out in its human voice, "Rachael, Rachael!"

"Raoul!" She thought about the unique choice of the individual, the freedom of her loneliness, her separateness, the freedom she had to choose to love, to choose whom she loved, to choose Raoul. She ran toward his voice. As she ran, she pulled a carefully folded sheet of paper from her pocket.

"Over here," the Beast called out.

She saw Raoul's face through the leaves. He stretched his neck toward her. His chest was bare. He was not wearing any clothes. She laughed as she ran to him.

He reached out his arms to her. She hugged his neck, and cried for joy. He held her tight. Very tight. "I'm so glad you've come at last," the Beast said.

As the other heads ate her body, the man head looked on fondly. "At last," he said, "at last. Aren't you a very part of me? And won't we feel together, and share the same thoughts? We will be one as only we can be one!"

The sheet of paper which Rachael had pulled from her pocket lay on the ground, now dirty, wrinkled, and open. On every border were printed the constellations of the Zodiac in a circle, and a poem, the work of her other lover, in the center:

Stars

God gave us stars to teach us loneliness,
Not make our fate.
By choice, and not by destiny, we love.

Our separate souls alone decide
A solitary way.

But lest we never crave caresses,
Far stars, vastly parted, faintly tinted,
Hint,
But never say –
"Find, combine, and intertwine."

We are not thrust together,
But the design:
That two choices one decision make.

Find freedom in your lonely choice,
And let no union be
Abruptly forced upon you by cruel beasts above.

It was dusk. The slanting light of the sun slowly faded on the trampled sheet. It was a perfect night for lovers. One by one, as the darkness grew, the stars appeared.

The End